Jimmy Kimmel Breaks Down Midterm Election Results, Trump Loses Bigly & Assistant Natalie Stops By!

[0:07] joining us thank you for watching and i want you to know in case you've tuned away from the election [0:22] coverage we are monitoring those who are monitoring the results of the election as they come in we have [0:28] our chief election correspondent guillermo keeping a close eye on the action you're keeping a close [0:33] eye on the action guillermo yes i'm keeping close in the action jimmy okay very good yeah and if [0:38] anything major happens do not hesitate to break in all right all right nate silver nate cone nate [0:45] dog all the nates were predicting a blue wave the good kind of blue wave not the kind not the kind [0:56] of blue wave that pulls nicholas uh cage's beach house into the ocean and not just a wave a blue [1:02] tsunami despite the fact that no one knows tsunami has a t in it that's right one uh lecture model [1:09] from harvard said the chances of republicans keeping the house tonight was as likely as rolling the [1:14] number 20 on a 20-sided die they could have just said five percent but somebody at harvard really [1:19] wanted to let us know they play dungeons and dragons and that seems to be what is happening [1:24] it seems to be after all the talk about nikki minaj's ass john housted's ass the only ass on trump's [1:35] mind tonight is the one that just got handed to him democrats took so many seats jd vance can't even [1:50] find one to have sex with him tonight trump spent the day at the white house watching coverage uh watching [1:57] fox news trying to give himself an insurrection word from the from inside the white house is he's [2:03] already run out of dipping sauce containers to throw at the television set trump definitely gave [2:08] it his all he was on the road constantly over the last month including a stop in daytona beach where [2:13] he closed things out strong do you mind i got a little dig in my eye watch this ah there's so much [2:25] better thank you thank you sir sir your your clown face is smudged a little bit you know there were two [2:37] donald trump's on the road this week trying to drum up support one with two chins that one and the [2:43] other doesn't even have one they want to what is it save democracy by destroying democracy they want [2:50] to pack the supreme court they want to make ohio a state they don't want to see that you know maybe eric [3:01] isn't the dumb son maybe we've had that what i like most about don jr is he always talks like a dj being [3:08] thrown out of a strip club does anyone raise your heads does anyone know anyone with a business or [3:16] real prospects who has moved into new york in the last few years as opposed to out of it you know one [3:24] oh your son okay well he's coming home all right all right i didn't mean for anyone to answer that [3:33] question i was on a roll trump himself has been very quiet so far tonight he was going bananas and [3:38] pajamas on truth social last night all caps and kankaroo posted this at one o'clock in the morning [3:45] about the scenario in alaska where there are two candidates with the same name running for senator [3:50] he wrote fake alaska candidate daniel j sullivan jr is missing in action he totally disappeared nobody's [3:57] been able to find him maybe he's been kidnapped by the corrupt democrat lawyers they are scared stiff [4:02] of being prosecuted for election fraud this is so perfect because after all this screaming and suing [4:09] and threatening about how these names were presented on the ballot this is how he spells daniel [4:16] it's like someone might be in denial himself perhaps trump was reportedly angry and cursing as [4:26] the results came in john ossoff won the senate race bigly in georgia also in georgia about mayor of [4:36] atlanta keisha lance bottoms was up she's the first black female governor in american history james tallarico [4:45] could become the first democrat elected to senate texas since 1988 he's up by a million with half of [4:52] the votes counted that's the good news the bad news is tallarico might have to carpool with ted [4:57] cruz starting in january it's all looking good for democrats man oh man would i hate to be the door dash [5:03] driver who delivers trump his papa johns tonight any new updates guillermo uh no i'm watching love [5:10] islands oh you might as well you know i'm sure trump didn't know the extent of it but i have to believe [5:17] he saw some of this coming because this morning he was bragging about his approval rating in another [5:22] country so i'm the number one i was so voted i'm at 99 approval rating in israel can you believe it [5:29] in fact if people ever got tired of me in the u.s i'll move to israel become prime minister that might [5:35] be the best idea he's ever had i would gladly pay for an ll flight make israel great again you could [5:44] sell a whole new line of hats think about it trump's approval rating here is terrible just like every [5:50] woman he's ever slept with voters are unsatisfied with the job he is doing trump's priorities oh listen [5:58] if you really look at him his priorities are insane they have no relation to what americans are worried [6:03] about americans are worried about corruption uh inflation climate change war wealth disparity [6:12] health care housing measles and democracy itself now let's take a look at the 10 subjects maga seems [6:18] to be worried about uh transgender testosterone black helen of troy windmills ballrooms mexicans [6:28] reflecting pools racism against whites tylenol canada and canada and canada so in case the [6:38] president is wondering why things didn't go his way tonight refer to the list on this side yes [6:44] no that side yes and in the meantime if you're still in line to vote you're probably not in the [6:49] right line voting is closed you might be in line for hot dogs or horchata or something democrats felt [6:55] they needed a huge margin of victory to avoid republicans claiming they tampered with the [6:59] election which is nuts in and of itself that that has to be the case at trump's behest the doj sent [7:06] a thousand election monitors which are basically ice agents and polo shirts to voting places around [7:11] the country and you probably won't be surprised to learn they were sent to predominantly democratic [7:16] areas but what are these election monitors looking for they say they're looking for fraud how do you [7:22] spot for what does fraud look like trump really did his best to put his little thumb on the scale for [7:28] this alabama is using a map that intentionally discriminates against black voters uh mississippi [7:34] instituted mandatory reo speed wagon cover bands at all polling occasions to deter black voters but don't [7:41] worry if there are any shenanigans our secretary of homeland security and plumbing supply mark wayne [7:48] mullen is going to root them out we will be looking at the at the registers and all the the voting [7:54] and all those that voted after the election and making sure that no one voted illegally and so after [8:01] this election we'll be gathering all the data we'll be getting gathering the the the voting logs and [8:08] we'll be going through those and making sure that no illegals voted oh good gomer pile's gonna make [8:13] sure the election was fair using all ten fingers and all nine toes i'm trying to add up exactly how a [8:24] voter would be intimidated by the presence of vice if they are not an illegal voter so this fear uh and [8:31] historia or historia that they're trying to push out in this fake story that they're trying to to make a [8:37] narrative of is so ridiculous listen words are hard for mark wayne i like how he tried to correct [8:45] himself and instead got it wrong two times only the best people you know here in los angeles we have [8:50] a very tight mayoral race between the democrats and themselves the guy running for governor of [8:55] california javier becerra decided not to endorse our current mayor karen bass or her challenger nithya [9:02] raman but he did do an appearance with karen bass which led to this exceptionally uncomfortable moment [9:08] why should voters in los angeles vote for mayor karen bass well i hope people just go out and vote [9:13] that's the most important thing but again the mayor the mayor is standing with you the mayor is standing [9:19] with you right now why should angelinos vote for the mayor she is standing here with you [9:24] not nithya raman this is a unified forum karen karen bass and i go way way back uh we have known each [9:30] other for a long long time and we served together in congress uh you know politics is one thing friendships [9:36] are another thing and i hope that folks recognize that you can have french's that far exceed whatever [9:42] goes on in politics not anymore you can't he did hear her when she said she's standing next to you [9:54] you know it's not just people on the ballot in idaho they voted on a state gun that's right this is the [9:59] ballot this is a real thing idahoans could pick from six options all great choices and a state gun is [10:05] important you how else are you going to shoot the state bird and you know it's weird to see guns [10:11] running against each other but it was even weirder to see their campaign ads the colt m1911 claims to [10:18] be a gun of the people but the facts tell a different story its single stack magazine holds only seven [10:25] rounds of ammo why not a double stack because colt is a fussy little bitch colt talks a big game but it's [10:33] only 8.5 inches long shorter than a guinea pig you can buy a conversion kit to transit into a rifle [10:41] no thanks idahoans deserve better on tuesday vote for an american firearm that always hits the target [10:49] the winchester 1894 endorsed by the bus drivers union the nurses union and the aspca it's a real [10:57] straight shooter i'm the winchester 1894 and i approve this message you know we still have a long [11:10] way to go before we have all of the results poor steve kernacki will be pacing around and his sleeves [11:16] rolled up like a carmax finance manager all night tonight but what we do know for sure is that democrats [11:23] have officially taken the house thanks to president trump blob vila the bad news is i guess we're not [11:39] getting that five thousand dollars with democrats in power the new speaker of the house would likely [11:45] be hakeem jeffries which will be fun i can't wait to see how nervous trump gets at the next state of [11:54] the union with a black guy named hakeem sitting right behind him jeffries would replace mike johnson [12:00] i wish they made him leave tonight i would like to see mike johnson pack up his stuff and ride away on [12:07] on his big wheel tonight no republican has puckered up to the president more uncomfortably than mike [12:13] johnson i think i speak for all of us when i say he will be missed it's important note this is not [12:18] a job i ever aspired to call you magic mike while you are here i prefer miracle magic mike is assigned [12:23] to some sort of uh pornography thing or something i've heard we will jointly nominate president donald [12:28] j trump for next year's nobel peace prize the president is unhinged he is unwell what are you [12:34] doing on your side are too i don't control oh my god please do you have any concerns about [12:38] luck makes ties with i don't know anything about that uh we got ourselves in a bit of a pickle here [12:43] i don't know the details about that i don't know anything about that i don't know any of the any of [12:47] the details of this at all the first question i mean the answer is that it's unanswerable the american [12:53] public people might also judge you on your projections here that were clearly off base money [12:58] that is one of the stupidest questions you've ever asked why i i don't like being mad mike i want [13:03] to i want to be happy i want to be the happy warrior but i am so upset about this god bless america [13:08] we're done thanks tonight donald trump is officially a lame duck and an orange chicken at the same time [13:25] but the numbers are still coming in our staff is watching very closely and throughout the show [13:30] they will let me know if there are any important updates i have updates my liege oh no no no i i [13:40] didn't need i'm sorry this is my assistant natalie no thank you i'm more than an assistant i'm a friend [13:48] and a confidant i'm a doula a life coach a wet nurse i'm the person who sniffs your body bot bot when [13:54] okay we're all clean all clean all clean clean is a newly refinished reflecting pool okay thank [14:01] you uh well thank you so much i'll get you that update well i don't really need the update but [14:05] you have a printer in the bag oh yeah oh okay printer in the bag oh well what is this it's warm [14:10] like your skin okay um what is this oh okay jimmy kimmel graces cover of costco magazine [14:23] that's amazing like 2009 i think 2009 yeah a long time ago that's the year i was born oh [14:32] when i said updates i was looking for election updates i wasn't necessarily oh my god yes of [14:36] course of course of course you are so smart thank you thank you i appreciate that maybe you could say [14:42] that sometime at home no problem wait wait what is this oh what are you doing i'm just wrapping you up [14:50] like a needle burrito Guillermo knows just wrapping you up like a needle burrito because we don't want [14:57] to have a mess you know when the election results come in yeah yeah yeah you know how you get yeah okay [15:03] are you happy no not at all i'm not happy he's not happy yeah roll the clip and here's jimmy kimmel host [15:12] of course of his own show on abc and one of the favorites one set only down to one he's right look [15:20] at maine watch out watch out another home run jimmy kimmel's got it it's four three [15:28] girl yes i'm very happy you're happy now he's happy thank you so much and daddy remember okay please [15:50] don't call me daddy okay well then maybe you shouldn't call me ivanka okay that's a deal daddy [15:56] if you need me i'll be right here okay where in my bag okay if you need happiness or joy or a massage [16:05] or anything you need i'll be right here yeah there's room for two in here okay all right okay [16:09] you want me to zip you up yes please okay all right well thank you so much jimmy kimmel thank you [16:21] laura smith and bella hicks are sitting in with the cleetos we have music from page the elephant and we'll be [16:27] be right back with the hosts of pod save america