Trump Makes Strange Guttural Noise During Campaign Rally, Hegseth Breaks Priceless Historic Globe

[0:00] Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome [0:02] to The Tonight Show. This is it. [0:04] You made it. [0:06] Thank you for watching at home. [0:08] It's gonna be fun. Guys, the midterm elections [0:11] are just 12 days away. [0:13] And last night, President Trump held a rally in South Carolina, [0:16] and everyone's talking about this really weird noise [0:18] he made while he was talking. [0:20] This is real. Listen to this. [0:22] I'd say 90% of the reason I took the governor... [0:26] I took the governor. I put her over at the United Nations. [0:31] Can we hear that again? [0:36] That's like a burp, a hiccup, and a dry heave all in one. [0:42] Sounds like Melania on their wedding night. [0:59] Trump's been in so many MRI machines, [1:01] he now sounds like one. [1:06] You're not gonna believe this, but the sound has already been [1:08] turned into a hit dance remix. [1:10] What? Check it out. [1:11] 90% of the reason I took the governor... [1:15] 90% of the reason I took the governor... [1:20] 90% of the reason I took the governor... [1:23] 90% of the reason I... [1:26] I looked at his ass... [1:29] I looked at a bottle of muscle... [1:31] I looked at his ass... [1:34] God bless you all. Thank you. [1:37] There you go. That's a bang. [1:39] Right there. [1:45] And during the same rally last night, [1:46] Trump said that he called the CEO of Google to ask him [1:49] to change the name of the Atlantic and Pacific Ocean [1:51] to the American Ocean and Trump Ocean. [1:55] Once again, 12 days before this election, [1:57] it's good to see him locked in on the really big issues. [2:01] Trump's having a busy travel week, [2:02] because earlier tonight, he held a rally in Iowa. [2:04] He's been all over the country campaigning for the midterms, [2:07] hitting nine states in the past week, [2:09] and they started playing a new announcement [2:10] in the arena before he speaks. [2:12] Did you see this? Check it out. [2:13] Welcome to President Trump's midterm rally. [2:16] As a reminder, no booing, no heckling, no fact-checking, [2:19] no mentioning the president's approval rating, [2:21] no leaving when the president talks about [2:23] a male senator's muscular buttocks, [2:25] no putting on a blonde wig to try and get hired [2:26] as press secretary, [2:27] no shouting out giraffe [2:29] when Trump takes his daily cognitive test, [2:31] no trying to lure Trump offstage early [2:33] by leaving a trail of Reese's Pieces, [2:34] no laughing when the president tries to pronounce [2:36] Vivek Ramaswamy, [2:38] and of course, no waking up the president [2:40] when he falls asleep. [2:41] There's just been the quick rules, fast rules. [2:43] Well, there are a lot of big elections coming up, [2:50] but local races are important, too, [2:52] and some of the candidates are very, very interesting. [2:55] For example, this clip from Indiana went viral this week. [2:58] Take a look at this. [2:59] I deliver a lot of groceries and packages for my community, [3:03] so if you trust me, you know, delivering your groceries, [3:06] you should trust me with your vote. [3:08] I love the schools. [3:09] I'm total supporter of the schools and the teachers. [3:11] And I spoke to the Connersville chief of police, [3:15] or I'm sorry, firemen, you know? [3:17] I'm like, come on, they didn't do, did they, did the full 3%? [3:23] The data centers want that water, man. [3:26] Repeat that again. [3:27] Firing all Republicans. [3:29] I wouldn't let them, I mean, I don't even talk to them. [3:34] I don't like them. [3:35] Well, she later admitted to having, quote, [3:40] three beers before the forum, [3:44] which raises even more questions. [3:45] So now here to comment is Democratic candidate Jamie West. [3:49] Did I win? [3:54] No, no, you didn't win yet. [3:56] I feel like I have to ask you a question. [3:58] Are you drunk right now? [3:59] Absolutely not. [4:01] I'm completely sober. [4:03] Ask me anything. [4:05] How many beers have you had today? [4:07] Three. [4:09] But beers aren't my problem, Jimmy. [4:11] You want to know what my problem is? [4:14] Pills? [4:16] Republicans. [4:19] I want to put them in a... [4:20] Well, I just wish they all lived in a big old hole [4:24] and we didn't have to hang out with them. [4:31] All right, I get you don't like Republicans. [4:33] Well, what are the other problems [4:34] that you're trying to solve for the voters? [4:36] Problems are not my problem, Jimmy. [4:40] You want to know what my problem is? [4:43] Weed gummies? [4:44] Republicans. [4:48] I don't like them. [4:50] You know what we should do, Jimmy? [4:53] What? [4:56] You should sneak into their house [4:58] and open their underwear drawer [5:00] and put peanut butter in their Tidy Whites [5:03] so when they put them on, they're like, [5:05] Did I have an accident? [5:06] Ha, ha, ha. [5:11] Yeah, that would be hilarious. [5:16] Hey, I'm sorry, are you drinking another beer? [5:19] No, this is water. [5:22] No, it's definitely beer. [5:24] Oh, cool, I love beer. [5:29] Beer's not a problem. [5:31] You know what my problem is? [5:34] Horse tranquilizers? [5:37] Repumpkin lens. [5:40] They got like, they got like, I think you know what I mean. [5:46] Not really. [5:47] Okay, here's my impression of a Republican. [5:57] They drink beer? [5:59] No, no, I haven't started yet, shh. [6:03] Listen, listen. [6:04] Uh-huh. [6:05] Watch this. [6:06] Yeah. [6:07] Damn Republican. [6:11] Hey, f***er. [6:16] All right, Jamie West, everyone. [6:18] You guys hear about this? [6:24] Pete Hegseth wanted a priceless historic globe that once belonged to President Eisenhower, [6:29] moved to his office. [6:31] And while moving it, his staff dropped it and broke it. [6:33] Yeah, they broke the globe. [6:36] I'll take obvious metaphors for 1,000, Kent. [6:40] Well, Elon Musk is in the news and I read that he wants to merge his two companies, [6:46] SpaceX and Tesla, but I think that they're still ironing out the details. [6:49] Check out this video I saw. [6:51] Two cutting-edge companies are combining as one. [6:54] That's right, SpaceX and Tesla are now sex tape. [6:59] Wait, no. [6:59] Tesla and SpaceX are now testes. [7:03] Nope, bad. [7:04] Tesla and SpaceX are now tax season. [7:07] Nope. [7:08] Are now all my exes live in Texas, worse. [7:11] Are now ass salsa. [7:13] Nuh-uh. [7:13] Are now... [7:15] Screw it. [7:16] The new name is Twitter. [7:18] Someone's got to use their name. [7:21] Why not? That's a good... [7:27] Well, some more business news. [7:28] Apple Music just debuted a new logo. [7:31] Take a look. [7:32] Mm. [7:35] This is what happens when logos go off Olympic. [7:37] Yeah. [7:39] I saw that Pepsi just renewed their contract with Taco Bell [7:42] for another 10 years. [7:43] It's one of those relationships where you're not sure [7:45] who's settling for who. [7:48] Well, with all that's going on in the world, [7:49] it can be very easy to be overwhelmed. [7:51] So here with tips on how to stay in balance, [7:53] please welcome mental health expert Dr. Will Brainer. [7:56] Dr. Will, welcome. [7:59] Thank you, Jimmy. [8:00] Thank you so much. [8:02] You know, as a therapist, I love sharing techniques, [8:06] obviously, that help people stay, you know, [8:08] in a positive mental space around holidays, like Halloween. [8:12] Now, have you ever gone trick-or-treating [8:14] as a perky jack-o-lantern? [8:17] I don't think so. [8:19] Is that what you recommend? [8:20] Oh, yes. [8:25] In fact, I've put all my feel-better tips into a song. [8:29] All right. Fantastic. Let's hear it. [8:32] Say less. [8:35] If your brain's ever stuck in a negative pattern, [8:40] just go trick-or-treating as a perky jack-o-lantern. [8:45] If you ever get blackmailed in an underwater cavern, [8:50] just go trick-or-treating as a perky jack-o-lantern. [8:53] Perky jack-o-lantern. [8:55] Don't you feel like dancing? [8:58] Not bad, but it was good. [9:00] I just, sorry. [9:01] Did I hear you say blackmailed in an underwater cavern? [9:05] Oh, no, no, no, no, no. [9:09] I'm just singing about ways to help people. [9:12] Would you like to hear more? [9:15] Sure. [9:18] Here's an affirmation that anyone can learn. [9:22] You just look in the mirror and say, [9:23] I'm going trick-or-treating as a perky jack-o-lantern. [9:29] If you wake up in the kitchen of a seedy old tavern, [9:33] and there's a cockfight raging, [9:35] and you get a frying pan burned. [9:37] Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop. [9:39] Will, I'm going to need you to stop there, [9:40] because your song is a little drifting. [9:42] You okay? I'm starting to get concerned. [9:45] Starting to get concerned. [9:48] No, no, don't be Jimmy. [9:49] These aren't, these aren't about me. [9:52] They're just general tips [9:53] that could apply to anyone's life, okay? [9:55] Do you want to hear more? [9:57] No. [9:58] If you ever meet a short but muscular crime lord [10:01] who dresses like a Christmas elf [10:02] or carries a broadsword and calls himself Sleigh Bell, [10:05] but slay is spelled S-L-A-Y as in he'll slay you, [10:09] and he will, he's nasty. [10:12] He runs a cockfight out of a roadhouse kitchen [10:15] before you go, oh, ha, ha, betting on chickens. [10:19] And Sleigh Bell says, [10:20] I like the way you scream when you get burnt. [10:23] Let's go cave diving, but first let's get turnt. [10:25] And he takes you to an underwater cave to swim, [10:28] and you surface in an air pocket, [10:30] and it's just you and him where he says, [10:32] give me all your cash, [10:34] and I'll let you leave this cave, [10:36] but otherwise this'll be your goddamn grave. [10:39] But you pick up a skull that's laying on the ground, [10:42] and you cock him on the head, [10:43] and you swim back to town, [10:45] reporting to the feds, [10:47] and you enter the witness protection program, [10:49] but they change your name to Dr. Will Brainerd, [10:52] and now you give health tips to a bunch of frickin' strangers. [10:55] If that ever happens to you, [10:57] then you'll know why you should go [10:59] and sing this with me, please, Jimmy. [11:02] Trick-or-treats and has a perky jack-o-lantern. [11:10] Trick-or-treats and has a perky jack-o-lantern. [11:14] Sing it, everybody! [11:15] Trick-or-treats and has a perky jack-o-lantern. [11:19] One more time! [11:21] Trick-or-treats and has a perky jack-o-lantern. [11:26] Dr. Will, everybody! [11:34] Finally, a new study found that tofu is one of the best protein sources [11:38] in the world. Yes, tofu. [11:42] One guy heard and was like... [11:44] All right, we have a great show. [11:45] Give it up for The Roots right now. [11:47] Bye-bye. [11:47] Welcome to the show, everybody. [12:02] Welcome, welcome, welcome. [12:04] Quickly, last night, I went to the opening night [12:06] of Billy Crystal's new one-man show, [12:09] 860 at the Imperial Theater. [12:11] I highly, highly, highly recommend it. [12:13] I loved it. I laughed so hard. [12:15] It was phenomenal. [12:16] If you want to go see a true legend, [12:17] do what he does best. [12:18] Go see Billy Crystal, 860 at the Imperial Theater. [12:21] You can get tickets right now at billycrystal860.com. [12:25] It was phenomenal. [12:26] I love Billy Crystal. [12:28] He's amazing. [12:29] So good. [12:30] I loved it. [12:31] What a show we have for you tonight. [12:32] She stars in and produces the hit series [12:35] Nobody Wants This. [12:36] Season 3 is streaming now on Netflix. [12:39] Kristen Bell is here tonight! [12:47] He's a very talented actor who has a new memoir out [12:50] called Bloodlines. [12:51] Joe Manganiello is joining us. [12:54] Great reviews. [12:58] She had a big hit with her song Ain't in L.A. [13:01] and her latest single, Nicole Kidman, [13:03] is one of the biggest songs in the world right now. [13:05] And she's performing both tonight. [13:07] Adela is here! [13:09] Remark with Kristen Bell, everybody. [13:17] Come on now.