Trump Fires Press Secretary Katie Zacharia, Waives Russia Sanctions After Striking Oil Deal

[0:00] Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show. [0:03] This is it. [0:07] Well, guys, the midterm elections are just 15 days away. [0:11] Yeah. That's not a lot of time. [0:14] That's only three White House press secretaries from now. [0:16] You know, yeah, everyone's talking about this. [0:22] President Trump fired his new press secretary, [0:24] Katie Zakaria, after just five days on the job. [0:28] Yeah. It's not good when the edible arrangement [0:31] you got on your first day is still edible on your last day. [0:34] It's finally ripe. [0:37] Meanwhile, Kimberly Guilfoyle was like, [0:40] hey, thanks for changing the subject. [0:43] She spent just five days in the White House. [0:45] On the bright side, Melania was like, [0:47] that's five more than me. [0:49] Five days. Cash Patel was like, [0:51] damn, I've had hangovers last longer than that. [0:53] Of course, now Trump needs a new press secretary, [0:56] and we got to look at the questions [0:58] on the official White House job application. [1:00] Oh, yeah. Check these out. [1:02] First up, there's, are you free for the next five days? [1:09] Up next, there's, do you look a little like Ivanka? [1:14] Then there's, is the word attorney [1:16] on your LinkedIn profile in quotes. [1:18] Sure. [1:22] Next up is there, did you audition for the Baywatch reboot? [1:27] Then there's, just curious, where do you stand [1:29] on the whole Kelly Clarkson bird thing? [1:33] Up next, there's, are you comfortable traveling [1:35] in an airport catering truck? [1:36] That's important to know. [1:38] Then there's, are you fluent in Spanish? [1:40] If C, you're already fired. [1:42] Up next, there's, on a scale from one to Mitch McConnell, [1:49] how often do you freeze when asked basic questions? [1:52] And finally, there's, are you available [1:54] to train your replacement next week? [1:56] Well, these are good questions. [1:59] These are good questions. [2:05] Yeah, Zachariah was hired on Monday, fired on Friday. [2:09] Everybody is talking about her, so she actually agreed [2:11] to join us for a quick interview right now. [2:14] We're very, very lucky. [2:15] Katie, thank you so much for being here. [2:17] Good morning. [2:21] But it's, never mind. [2:23] So tell us, how long did you expect [2:24] to be White House press secretary? [2:26] A very long time. [2:29] And how long did it actually last? [2:31] Several days. [2:33] Okay, where did you pass the bar exam? [2:35] The Western Hemisphere. [2:43] Can you be more specific? [2:44] In Venezuela. [2:47] No, really, though, where did you get your license [2:49] to practice law? [2:51] From Amazon. [2:52] Got it. [2:57] And now that you're unemployed, [2:59] who will you spend your time with? [3:01] My president, excuse me, my husband. [3:03] Sure. [3:06] Well, now, Trump needs a new press secretary. [3:09] Do you know any young blondes who aren't afraid [3:11] to take on an 80-year-old man? [3:13] Jake Paul. [3:14] All right, hang on. [3:17] I'm being told the president is announcing [3:19] his new press secretary right now. [3:21] Who is it, sir? [3:23] Nicki Minaj. [3:24] All right, there you go. [3:25] Thank you very much. [3:26] Thank you for joining us. [3:28] Thank you very much. [3:34] Some more political news. [3:35] Just days after Vladimir Putin made a deal with Trump [3:38] to release Russian oil, Trump announced [3:40] that he was waiving new sanctions on Russia. [3:44] Trump's approval rating may be terrible in America, [3:46] but he's pulling at 100% in Moscow. [3:48] Meanwhile, apparently, Putin has suggested a joint summit [3:52] with Trump and Chinese President Xi Jinping [3:54] to end the war in Ukraine. [3:56] Those three love each other. [3:57] For Halloween this year, they're going dressed as Hocus Pocus. [4:07] Did you see this? [4:08] Tesla just unveiled a new flying car. [4:11] This is real. Check this out. [4:13] That's almost as much smoke as a regular Tesla. [4:27] Yeah. [4:29] If you think that's cool, [4:30] wait to see your Uber driver do it while scrolling TikTok. [4:33] Guys who drive Cybertrucks are like, [4:36] well, my penis is small, but not that small. [4:38] Yep, Tesla just unveiled a flying car, [4:41] and the reviews are already in. [4:43] Check this out. [4:44] The Tesla Roadster is here, [4:46] and it goes above and beyond anything you've ever seen. [4:49] Car and Driver says the future is now. [4:51] Motor Trend says the sky is the limit. [4:54] And Newark Air Traffic Control says... [4:56] Oh, for the love of God, don't do this to us. [4:59] We're just two guys running our vapes in Celsius. [5:02] Last thing we need is some Vin Diesel doing sky donuts. [5:07] The Tesla Roadster, endorsed by the president. [5:10] I love Tesla. [5:11] You know, it's interesting. [5:12] That's wild. [5:14] Oh, and this is wild. [5:20] I heard about a 99-year-old woman in the U.K. [5:22] who just became the world's oldest wing walker. [5:24] Whoa. [5:25] She's fine, but everyone else had a heart attack. [5:27] Because grandma, grandma, grandma. [5:29] And finally, before we move on, [5:32] I'd like to take a moment to thank some of our sponsors [5:34] for tonight's show. [5:35] They don't always fit in commercial breaks, [5:36] and we want to make sure we mention all of them. [5:38] It's time for tonight's show sponsors. [5:40] Tonight's show. [5:42] Chromebook. [5:50] What if a laptop couldn't do anything at all? [5:53] David Protein Bars. [5:57] Ever want to eat a Neato? [5:59] Quest Diagnostics. [6:02] We can't be the only blood test company, [6:04] but it sure feels like it. [6:06] Home Depot. [6:10] Let's see if Kelly Clarkson wants to buy one of the birds [6:12] flying around our store. [6:14] Magnum Condoms. [6:21] Keep walking, pal. These aren't for you. [6:23] Magnum Ice Cream. [6:28] Keep walking, pal. [6:29] This ice cream isn't for you, either. [6:32] And finally, H&R Block. [6:34] You've never seen us and Spirit Halloween in the same place. [6:37] That's all for tonight's show sponsors. [6:38] We have a great show. [6:40] Chris Pratt is here tonight. [6:41] We have great stand-up from Joanne McNally. [6:52] Stick around. [6:54] We're right back with tonight's show. [6:56] Look at life. [6:57] Come on back.