Trump's First White House Correspondents Dinner Speech - This Is Priceless

[0:00] my intention to run for a fourth term as president of the united states but of course this evening [0:08] it's really all about the fake news media and your handling of prizes writing and producing [0:15] and performing but they'll learn their lesson but i want to personally congratulate cnn's [0:22] caitlin collins on receiving her award and it was all about me it's a fake she shouldn't get [0:29] the award it was a fake young attractive woman she never smiles and i called him watermelon head [0:36] because he has the largest head i've ever seen with the smallest neck pencil neck how does that [0:40] big fat ugly head stand on a on a little pencil pencil pencil neck and then i'm told that even [0:49] rosie o'donnell reached out from ireland she really wanted to be here in order to honor me [1:00] clinton jaws please like this video it's only thing i care about 20 years ago if you would have said to [1:04] me clint you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna be excited about watching the white house [1:11] correspondence dinner i would have said to clint well there's obviously something wrong with you [1:17] you went weird but i'm excited i can't wait for this i've been waiting for months we're gonna watch [1:24] it live together with a five dollar pinot grigio copper moon bottle of wine ladies and gentlemen [1:34] please join me in welcoming the 45th sitting here for an hour and a half president of the united [1:39] states president donald j trump guys there's a sponsorship dad in this video support the channel [1:48] and watch it it's in the middle come on big daddy that was very beautiful but this has not been an [1:53] easy evening all these awards i think you fell asleep a few times do i have a say in those awards or those [2:01] awards but it's great to be back at a place that i know very well because i built it and i'm very [2:13] proud of it because i built it for 2.9 billion dollars less than the federal reserve building [2:19] which is a lot smaller by the way figure that one out but just like my presidency the second time [2:28] is always better it's always better and the third time will be better yet people are actually laughing [2:34] third time but the attempted mass murder at the washington hilton that's what it could have been [2:41] was could have been an assault on our democracy itself very serious situation many of you were [2:49] there with me and some showed extreme bravery like pete eggset steve miller tom holman really they were [2:58] standing on tables and most of you were under the tables okay but they did they showed i saw every one [3:04] of them that were standing up in those tables i didn't know if they were brave if they were smart [3:10] if they were stupid as hell but they were on those tables in some cases and uh there were a lot of [3:17] different feelings going on in the room at that moment but after hearing the gunshots many people yelled [3:24] get down get down which caused nikki minaj to start twerking do you believe oh no get down [3:33] she's the only one that really understood what that meant yeah turn up quite an evening but tonight [3:43] we come back together to answer that heinous attack with unwavering resolve and every one of us here [3:51] this evening to show that in america we do not yield to political violence you know we can't do that [4:04] so this evening we're picking up right where we left off so let's have a little bit of fun you know [4:09] do it what do we do here is this supposed to be fun am i supposed to be serious am i supposed to be a [4:14] comedian comedian so i guess you said maybe a little bit of everything i know one thing i could never [4:20] have done the speech that i had ready just a short while oh that was going to be a doozy i was so psyched [4:29] i was going to rip people and i don't know just something changed it's really for the better but [4:35] i just wouldn't want to do that but we'll do a little ripping if you don't mind rip it but it is [4:42] too i said how do we handle this is going to be a different kind of an evening and it is and in many [4:47] ways it's a more beautiful evening actually everyone's looking uh really good tonight and i [4:52] know it was not easy finding shoes to go along with your bulletproof vest which many people didn't [4:59] want to wear because they'd rather die than look 20 pounds heavier you know that right we have that a lot [5:07] they put a they put one on me i said are you sure i'm not wearing this no you gain you look exactly [5:14] 20 they say sir it's about 21 pounds they said not good but i want to thank the outgoing president of [5:22] the white house correspondence center association now she won't admit it and she should not admit it but [5:29] we sort of became friendly you know in times of stress on occasion you become friendly i have a lot [5:35] of respect for ouija and i tell you we uh we went through a little bit of a war together it turned [5:42] out pretty good i like her it turned out pretty good because of a lot of good people they they stopped [5:48] the tragedy so we i want to thank you very much fantastic thanks and congratulations are also in [5:56] order for our favorite white white house press secretary caroline levitt who just had her second child [6:05] you and your husband she's great she's done a fantastic job we all love her she's done a [6:12] fantastic job she's another one she can be nasty a good nasty sometimes she has no choice right but [6:19] caroline may have one of the hardest jobs in the white house she has to deal with all of you [6:25] all of the time and you can be very difficult you can be very very difficult people but i'm probably [6:31] being a little bit over sensitive sometimes i really do think that some of you don't like me [6:39] in fact i read a report i get 93 negative publicity 93 so how the hell did i win the election by so much [6:48] yeah no kidding think of it i don't think that's true i can't believe it's 93 in the 80s maybe but not [6:54] 93. making fun of himself but this place is the really the largest group of trump derangement syndrome [7:03] people ever put together at one time i suspect this ticket to get in tonight because it's a [7:11] smaller room it's a beautiful room it's a luxury room see those beautiful chandeliers i can tell you [7:15] everything about them if you'd like to know hot ticket see that beautiful capital above see the [7:21] beautiful capitol he knows everything the brass uh those chandeliers are great i'm looking at i'm [7:27] saying i wonder if i could you know i sold this building and uh they're doing a nice job but nice [7:33] people but i'll tell you i'm looking at them saying i wonder if i could walk out with those chandeliers [7:38] because you can't buy them they're very special i won't tell you the fact i won't mention that they're [7:43] czech crystal because i'd like to say everything's made here but they are czech crystal and i want you all to [7:48] know that bobby kennedy who's right here personally ran over the cow in his car he cut it up and he [7:58] brought it here for you to eat tonight so it's very fresh and bobby also suggested an appetizer [8:05] featuring his favorite cut of male raccoon roadkill but we drew the line at that cheryl we said no we're [8:14] not going to do that we're not doing that we love bobby i'll tell you this is a piece of work you think [8:20] it's it is fun but he is a very different kind of a person i will tell you but he has what it takes [8:27] and he's smart and he loves the country and he wants people to be made to feel good you agree with [8:33] that bobby he wants people to feel good and uh he's doing a fantastic job thank you bobby thank you we [8:40] can joke all we want but thank you uh but i can exclusively reveal to you this evening that for the [8:47] heaviest of the heavyweights we will have sloppy chris christie one of the sloppiest human beings [8:53] you'll ever meet ufc fighting uh i would say i could mention the governor of chicago but i'm gonna [9:00] mention instead jerry nadler and they're fighting for a big piece of cheesecake big fat piece of [9:06] cheesecake who the hell wrote that line but it is true not tony hinchcliffe and what about bruce [9:13] springsteen what the hell happened to that guy he looks like hell i don't care what anyone says i'm [9:19] not supposed to say i'm sure he doesn't like the way i look but i don't look so bad but in a recent [9:25] conscious bruce all he did was talk politics he ought to run for office that'd be interesting but all [9:30] he talked about he made four political speeches in his three-hour show the tour has been renamed bored [9:37] in the usa but this year the association decided not to have a comedian so they considered using [9:45] jimmy kimmel jimmy fallon these guys they're terrible they're terrible stephen colbert these [9:53] are people without talent they get a lot they have talent you know who has talent their agent getting [9:57] them the amount the money they get they have no talent but they are not comedians they're not funny [10:02] people they're angry people they're sick people but the association really uh put on a big show and [10:09] they have somebody very special i look forward to seeing them and so they thought about going with a [10:15] professional clown for entertainment but adam shifty shift was not available you know he's known i called [10:22] him i i hate some people you know i shouldn't say that some president i'm not supposed to hate i'm [10:27] supposed to love everybody no but he's a terrible person he's a liar and i called him watermelon head [10:34] because he has the largest head i've ever seen with the smallest neck pencil neck how does that big fat [10:39] ugly head stand on a on a little pencil pencil pencil neck and then i'm told that even rosie o'donnell [10:48] reached out from ireland she really wanted to be here in order to honor me summer's here you guys want [10:54] to feel less bloated more energized and more confident it's time to focus on your gut health [11:00] i used to think after dinner feeling bloated was normal but after taking cowboy colostrum i feel [11:08] like a different person my digestion improved i take off my shirt now i used to not take off my shirt [11:14] i'd always say to the woman i can't take off my shirt look how bloated i am my skin looks better and [11:19] look at my hair my hair is actually thicker what makes cowboy colostrum different it's 100 made in [11:26] america from american grass-fed cows packed with bioactives growth factors and protein and yeah i [11:33] like bananas if you're looking for one daily simple habit that can support your gut health and help you [11:39] feel fantastic this summer check out cowboy colostrum for a limited time our listeners they get 25 their [11:45] entire order just go to cowboy colostrum dot com slash clinton use code clinton at checkout and get [11:52] your 25 off code clinton cowboy colostrum dot com slash clinton she loves me very much and she was [12:00] desperate to come back to the united states and pay her respect to donald j trump but that didn't work [12:06] out unfortunately because nobody wanted her to come back she actually but she's a one of the greatest [12:14] sufferers of trump derangements and she's a sick young woman yeah she is older woman i guess now [12:19] i have to say got a problem so instead we're honored to have for entertainment the very talented [12:25] mentalist owes perlman owes perlman and everything to everybody they said are you going to stay i said [12:36] yeah i'll say i mean i think i'll say what the hell else am i going to do i've got iran i've got this [12:40] i've got that which is all going extremely well don't believe the fake news they are not liking [12:49] this we will not let them have a nuclear weapon applause and they would use it they would use it [12:59] if they had it but always i do have one question about what happened that time because he was there [13:05] how the hell did you not see that coming he sees everything he sees there he's telling me about [13:11] your grandmother and you're this why the hell didn't you we gotta ask him that question when [13:16] he gets up here why didn't he see that coming but of course this evening it's really all about the [13:21] fake news media and your handling of prizes writing and producing and performing made up stories like [13:29] the academy awards you know academy awards used to be the the epitome of ratings outside of the super [13:34] bowl it got the second most ratings now it's down in the dumps yep nobody wants to watch it anymore [13:40] because they took on trump they hit me all night long they hit me uh the winner is so and so i want [13:46] to talk about donald trump i hate this man nobody wants to hear this stuff right peter nobody wants [13:52] it you ever see the ratings they used to have 48 million people now they have two people watching [13:58] but they'll learn their lesson but i want to personally congratulate cnn's caitlin callens on [14:06] receiving her award and it was all about me it's a fake she shouldn't get the award it was a fake but [14:12] i didn't mind i said caitlin congratulations but it was fake there's no question about it but she's a [14:19] young attractive woman she never smiles i said caitlin do you have a smile smile you have a nice position [14:27] you're at cnn fake news you should be a happy person so smile caitlin just smile but [14:33] uh we attack and i thought caitlin had really made it big with a major new sponsorship but then i [14:41] informed her that it wasn't her on the bud light can it was dylan mulvaney and dylan mulvaney cost [14:51] but like 35 billion dollars in market cap that was the worst commercial ever made by the way for those [14:59] few people who want to hear that most people don't care but i would i wouldn't want to hire dylan anytime [15:04] soon think of it they hired dylan mulvaney and their market cap has gone down by 35 billion dollars [15:11] who wrote that commercial cnn is also here and i'm very disappointed they didn't bring fake tapper [15:19] because he's had a rough couple of years fake but some people say that jake tapper is a great [15:26] investigative reporter in dc and that's why after moderating our debate it only took him one year [15:32] to break the story that joe biden might possibly have suffered from cognitive decline took him one [15:39] year he wrote a book about how great he was mentally not not too good and i don't like biden because [15:44] biden was very unfair to a lot of people but jill biden insisted joe would have beaten me in 2024 [15:51] even though he was way down she said he was way behind in the polls because he was seriously ahead [15:57] she felt he was going to win because he was seriously ahead on deceased voters he was leading [16:02] in the deceased crowd and there were a lot of them you're finding out there's a lot of them look at the [16:06] numbers that just came out yesterday i was disappointed that gavin newscom didn't show up [16:13] he didn't show up he should be here but i heard that he recently said that we will [16:19] lose our country if we don't fight fire with fire and to be fair there's only one thing we [16:26] know about gavin and that's that he definitely doesn't want to fight fire with water he's got [16:30] a lot of water never uses but he basically said he has various mental incapacities he has difficulty [16:40] and various other ailments mentally the press is going to go nuts over this and i'm looking and i'm [16:44] saying this is the worst interview i'm watching this interview i said this is the worst interview i've [16:48] ever seen given by a professional politician i've been watching politicians for a long time [16:54] mostly on the previous side because i haven't been doing this too long how am i doing not not bad for [17:00] the number of for the number of minutes spent this is price not bad but with gavin so he said that all [17:07] these things and i said anybody running against him all they have to do is take that one interview and [17:12] you can't lose i actually put out a statement that gavin news has come out and said he will not be [17:18] running for president because nobody can say what he said about himself and survive newsom was in big [17:27] trouble when he openly admitted that kamala was smarter than him she said kamala is smarter if kamala [17:36] is smarter than someone you don't want that person to be president of the united states of america [17:42] between california's policies of enabling wildfires paying drug addicts to be homeless giving free sex [17:51] changes to illegals and telling rich people they're going to take away all your money is going to be [17:57] taken away people are fleeing and they're fleeing in droves we can't do this country it's becoming such a [18:04] horrible and dangerous location that elan omar one of my favorites and her brother are thinking about [18:12] moving together very much in love a video surfaced recently of elan giving a speech referring to world [18:22] war ii is world war 11 and uh they asked her about that she still thought she thought she got it right [18:30] but i'm not surprised because she's a low iq person and she's also a very dishonest person and sure to get [18:37] the hell out of our country she shouldn't be here she shouldn't be in our country crowd she also [18:41] calls her brother husband number one omar is reportedly being investigated for fraud she revised [18:49] her net worth i was shocked to see that she was worth much more than 30 million dollars and then when [18:55] the press got on her she revised it slightly downward to less than 18 000 so she went from much more than 30 [19:02] million to 18 000 and i know democrats and the word democrat is something that's come into fashion [19:10] i changed the e with the u and most people don't know that dumb has a b so we don't have to worry [19:15] about that it's very quite i thought it was quite good but i haven't gotten much credit for that fake [19:21] news good pocahontas good i won't say lion ted because he's at my side i don't talk about past he's [19:29] doing this on conquests but the democrats uh are there to destroy wealth and honestly they've gone [19:36] absolutely crazy gavin newscombe's not only a man who really wants to run for president he's doing a [19:45] bad job running a state you can't have somebody like a jb pritzker who i understand is not present [19:51] sadly but uh at least your mom thinks you're pretty you know some people say never use the fat word and i [19:57] don't i would never call anybody fat i have my own problems you know it's not like i'm perfect [20:03] people are gonna go crazy over this potential democrat contender sadly refused to show up tonight [20:09] we invited elizabeth pocahontas warren but elizabeth warren was uh supposedly of indian heritage and then [20:21] she took the test and she only had 1024th native american and i said you know what i have i think i'm [20:28] more of an indian than she is so this is what we have to deal with but senator warren did not accept [20:35] our invitation to debate i wanted to debate her in various and sundry things and she decided not to do [20:40] it and i decided to bury the hatchet it doesn't matter and love it she well i'm not going to say this [20:49] enjoy this you want to hear this one how bad she wasn't high up on her totem pole who the hell wrote [20:56] that now she's bad news i wanted to make sure the jack smith deranged jack smith remember he went [21:02] after me for about two years how did he do not too good i'm in the white house and [21:08] he's not doing as well i was going to say he's in a different kind of a house but he's a deranged [21:13] human being he's a bad prosecutor you know prosecutors are very important a great prosecutor a fair [21:19] prosecutor but yeah that's the great prosecutors the ones that are fair they're very important to [21:23] a country but this guy was a deranged lunatic i saw his chuck shirmer crying chuck remember he cried [21:30] at the airport over illegal immigrants they were the fakest tears there were people throwing water [21:36] in his face but now he's a proud very proud palestinian in fact i'm going to send him a beautiful [21:42] palestinian outfit tomorrow so he can greet bb netanyahu when he comes to town next week [21:50] along with the mayor who i'm sure would love to meet bb uh they're not treating bb too well but [21:56] chuck wanted to join us tonight i love it but he didn't want to be violating many parts of the [22:02] palestinian rules regulations and certainly he didn't want to violate sharia law his new [22:08] his new founding and this is history the democrats are running a candidate named james [22:16] telefrico who hates guns hates oil hates sex hates women and who said he is quote a christian who hates [22:25] christianity other than that his i think his platform is quite good the media never talks about [22:33] for example under my administration a once feared and powerful regime that relentlessly attacked america [22:39] has finally been toppled their former leaders have been removed and they're now being run by a gay [22:46] dictator facing internal divisions but i for one wish barry weiss all the best at cbs news [22:55] she's a wonderful woman most of the press lives here in washington dc and you should be thankful for [23:02] me for what my administration and i have done to make our nation's capital which was one of the most [23:09] dangerous and unsafe cities anywhere in the world this is unbelievable one of the safest cities in the [23:15] united states crime is down 88 percent and our capital is shining again with 62 monument statues [23:22] water fountains looking more beautiful the graffiti's all gone he's lecturing them you know we removed [23:30] there's one stat i think it's a great stat it's uh it's to me it's fantastic this might be the greatest [23:37] speech ever of the people on purpose look at more we have tough smart people and they have done a [23:48] fantastic job washington dc is safe again all right that was it it was done and we sold tiktok [23:55] and he's a friend of mine and he's not contributing to problems like other people contribute to problems [24:02] you're all going to be broke your business model is going to be finished no it's true when i'm not [24:07] around you're going to be broke there's not going to be anybody to report on nobody gives a damn about [24:12] anybody else we have the single best recruiting of people into our armed forces than we have ever had [24:19] in the history of our country so thank you all very much it's an honor to be with you thank you thank you [24:24] very much the media on purpose it was oh my god it was so bad it was good wow oh he put them to sleep [24:37] thank you president trump um people asked me for several months how long is he gonna speak and i said [24:44] your white house correspondence um so you should know and thank you president trump um [24:54] oh my god everybody's gonna have a hate heyday everybody's gonna freak out over this speech [25:03] but i like that it wasn't funny i like that it wasn't it was terrible he wasn't playing to the crowd [25:10] he was playing to it was a lecture it was beautiful in a weird way it was beautiful it was so bad it [25:21] was beautiful i'm glad that it wasn't funny i honestly am glad because you will never forget [25:28] this one thanks for watching bye bye wow