'Survivors are nothing more than pawns for political discourse'

[0:00] Okay, first of all, Nikki, we're calling you Nikki, it's not your real name. [0:04] Thank you very much for talking to us. [0:07] Thank you for having me. [0:08] Not at all. [0:09] You want to remain anonymous. [0:12] I wonder if you could explain to our audience why. [0:16] I want to stay confidential for a variety of reasons. [0:19] It is very challenging, it's hard to make this decision, [0:22] but ultimately there is collateral damage, not only to myself, [0:27] but to my loved ones, my children, my spouse, my family, my clients. [0:34] I'm a small business owner. [0:37] I don't want any undue harm to come to any of them for any reason. [0:45] And when you say undue harm and you use the phrase collateral damage, [0:48] what are you thinking could happen if people knew your identity? [0:54] You know, I think there's a variety of things that could happen. [0:56] I know when I... [1:01] I have been told from another source, a very reliable source, [1:06] that in the past Epstein has had his henchmen come after people that were coming forward. [1:16] So that's scary, that thought is. [1:19] So there's the physical safety side when you say you've heard about his henchmen coming after people. [1:26] Yeah. [1:26] Like what? [1:28] Like back in, you know, when the whole sweetheart deal was made for him back in the... [1:33] 2008 and 9. [1:34] Yep, 2008 and 9. [1:35] And he would have people run witnesses off the road and follow them and stalk them [1:43] and come after them and things of that nature. [1:46] And it's just that... [1:48] That's scary. [1:49] That's not something that you can be told and forget. [1:53] You have never spoken publicly before. [1:55] No. [1:56] Until now. [1:57] Correct. [1:58] Why now? [1:59] Inside all of us is a warrior. [2:10] We are survivors for a reason. [2:12] And I want to fight. [2:16] I want to... [2:18] Join the other women that have come forward in some way, shape, or form. [2:22] And this is the closest that I can get to that. [2:26] And I also want the public to know that this is... [2:34] Dealing with this, dealing with Epstein, [2:37] it is like a war veteran coming home and hearing fireworks every single day. [2:43] That is what living today for the past seven years has been like for every single one of us survivors. [2:49] You mean since he was arrested? [2:50] Since he was arrested by the FBI? [2:51] Correct. [2:52] Right. [2:53] You were introduced to him when you were 19. [2:56] Yes. [2:56] And you were working as a model. [2:58] Yes. [3:00] And similar to others, your friend said that giving Epstein a massage was a way to make money. [3:08] So you and your friend went to his house and did that. [3:12] Yep. [3:12] Can I... [3:14] Are you able to describe what happened? [3:16] That first time, it was exactly what I thought it was. [3:20] It was kosher. [3:22] It was everything that I was told. [3:23] It was a massage. [3:24] Halfway through, he flipped over. [3:27] We took our tops off. [3:29] We massaged him again. [3:30] Feet, starting at the feet, heading up. [3:33] There was no sexual interactions. [3:36] Why did you have to take your tops off? [3:37] I honestly thought, okay, maybe he's just some old rich guy that has a fetish and so be it. [3:43] Whatever. [3:44] I mean, it paid my rent. [3:45] I lived in South Beach. [3:46] We could go to the beach and be topless. [3:48] So to me, it was like, no biggie. [3:51] Yeah. [3:51] No biggie. [3:52] No biggie. [3:55] What happened the second time? [3:58] Everything started the way that it did last time. [4:00] It was a massage. [4:02] He was face down. [4:03] This time, he didn't have any underwear on, though. [4:05] He just had a towel over him. [4:07] And I didn't really pay attention at the moment to that. [4:10] It didn't cause any discomfort for me. [4:17] And then he flipped over and he said, okay, top off. [4:20] So I took my top off, just like last time. [4:22] Started at his feet, worked my way up. [4:24] And when I got to his upper thigh and went on to his chest, [4:27] I was like, oh, my God. [4:27] He pulled at my jeans, like almost to unbutton them. [4:33] And I stepped back and I said, no, I'm on my period, which I wasn't. [4:38] I lied. [4:41] And from there, he was like, oh, well, some of the girls like to have sex. [4:46] You should really think about having sex with me. [4:48] It would be so great. [4:49] I'd be the best you've ever had or something like that. [4:51] And I was just like, no, I'm good. [4:53] And so he asked me to massage his chest. [4:56] And I remember doing that while he removed his towel and masturbated. [5:00] And he had a bottle of Fiji water, which is the water he always had. [5:07] And he said, make sure you stay hydrated. [5:08] You need to be sure to stay hydrated. [5:12] And I did. [5:12] I took some water. [5:14] And I have no recollection of anything for a minimum of 12 hours after that. [5:18] Oh, my God. [5:19] After he gave you that water, what happened? [5:23] I have no idea. [5:25] What do you mean you have no idea? [5:27] It's black. [5:28] It's blank. [5:29] There's a solid 12 hours overnight that I have absolutely no recollection of. [5:35] I have done various psychotherapies to try to remember, to try to have a glimpse of something. [5:44] And it's black. [5:47] I have no idea. [5:48] But I can logically make a variety of assumptions that I think would be very accurate. [5:57] Like? [5:57] Like I was drugged. [5:59] What else would state or explain? [6:03] What else would explain losing your complete memory overnight? [6:08] And then I got up and I went to the bathroom. [6:11] And as a woman, you can. [6:13] You feel certain things when you've had intercourse sometimes. [6:18] And I definitely felt that almost pressure. [6:22] So I went downstairs into the kitchen and Epstein walked in and he goes, how are you feeling? [6:31] And I was like, actually, I don't feel good at all. [6:32] I think I'm getting sick. [6:34] And he was like, OK, well, you leave for the airport soon. [6:36] Let's go. [6:37] We have another session. [6:39] So sorry, he said, let's have another session, meaning another massage. [6:44] Right. [6:46] So I followed him upstairs. [6:48] Same room, same massage table. [6:52] And it like as I'm telling you this, I can smell it. [6:54] I can smell the massage oil. [6:58] It's very distinctive. [7:00] Can I ask you, do you think when you were out cold, he raped you? [7:11] Hundred percent. [7:12] Right. [7:13] And I know that because he told me. [7:15] He told you he raped you. [7:16] Yes. [7:17] Because during the third massage, he once again tried to pull up my jeans. [7:22] And I was like, no, no, I'm on my period. [7:24] And he says, you don't have to lie to me, Nikki. [7:26] I didn't put two and two together until I made that call on July 8th, 2019 to the FBI. [7:34] When it clicked, what kind of emotions were you experiencing? [7:42] Panic, pure panic. [7:46] So during that third massage, he he told me I didn't have to lie to him. [7:53] Because he already knew you weren't on your period because he'd raped you. [7:57] And then he did again. [7:59] Jesus. [8:00] And that was a memory I did not recall until September of 2019. [8:07] When I literally was balled up on the floor having a panic attack at home. [8:11] When you reflect on what you had been subjected to, what is going through your mind when you look back? [8:31] I don't know how I made it. [8:35] I didn't sleep. [8:37] Sleep evaded me. [8:38] I couldn't succumb to that. [8:41] I wasn't functioning. [8:42] I wasn't, I mean, I could barely brush my teeth some days. [8:49] It was all consuming and paralyzing. [8:59] After Epstein's arrest and the FBI asked for people to contact you, what did you do? [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't. [9:05] I didn't contact them. [9:06] You did, as you mentioned earlier. [9:08] I did. [9:09] You were interviewed twice by special agents. [9:12] Yes. [9:12] What happened after that? [9:15] Everything died, along with him. [9:19] What were your expectations after you've been interviewed by the FBI and they're asking you, presumably, what were your associations with Epstein? [9:27] What happened? [9:28] What did he do to you? [9:29] I mean, I expected at least a follow-up call. [9:31] Right. [9:32] I expected, hey, let me help you understand what's happening now in this process. [9:39] I mean, there was nothing. [9:43] Recall your darkest moment? [9:48] Yeah. [9:49] Just wondering if it's all worth it. [9:52] Is it worth being here or make kids better off without me? [9:55] You do think those things. [9:59] Epstein's dead. [10:01] Ghislaine Maxwell is in jail. [10:03] What do you want to happen now? [10:09] I would like the rest of the files to be released properly, honestly, ethically. [10:15] I don't think that's too much to ask from the United States, the Department of Justice. [10:23] It's not. [10:24] I would love for us to be able to heal. [10:33] Number one, I don't understand why we had to have an act of Congress to get the files released. [10:38] That is absolutely a waste of my and everybody else's taxpayer dollars. [10:43] Complete waste. [10:43] Number two, they should have never named it the Epstein Transparency Act. [10:48] They are doing nothing more than continuing to glorify him. [10:50] Why don't you name it the Survivors or the Virginia Transparency Act or something? [10:55] We survivors are nothing more than pawns for political discourse at this point, and it's disgusting. [11:07] I am really grateful that you have spoken to us. [11:10] Thank you so much for making that decision, and thank you for speaking with such dignity and courage and honesty. [11:21] Thank you very much, Nikki. [11:21] Thank you.