'Shame that I couldn't bear': Laura Owens makes case to judge, tells of death threats

[00:00:00] Speaker 1: um your owner i'm absolutely terrified of what might happen after i um i speak today but i really don't want that fear to overshadow what i came to say because i i know there are people who have suffered because of decisions that i made and i want to take accountability for that and they deserve to hear me do that um i i pleaded guilty to four felonies and i am profoundly profoundly sorry for the pain distress and expense that i've caused them and for failing to meet the standard of honesty that this court had every right to accept from me um i've thought about the choices that brought me here every moment of every day and i wish more than anything that i could go back to the moments that i still had the opportunity to make different choices and i wish more than anything that i had made those different choices and that's not because i'm finding myself here right now i just genuinely wish i i had made better choices and hadn't panicked um i've never in my entire life set out to hurt another person but i do understand um that the people i heard don't have don't uh they shouldn't have to care what my um what my intentions were they just have to live with the consequences of what my actions did to them and i am just so terribly terribly sorry that um that i ever put them into that position um for a long time i didn't know what to do without remorse and i just thought about it and thought about it um and as the public attention on the case grew sort of just the absolute shame and humiliation that i felt and again not just because it was public and i was embarrassed certainly not for for my reputation or anything i tried to change my name as soon as and as soon as any of this became public i wasn't wanting attention i just wanted i just had so desperately wished i had made better choices and i was so ashamed of myself um supporters of the victims started sending um death threats to me and my family and soon after this happened um somebody posted on facebook um saying that they wanted to shoot my mother and posting our address and then they private messaged me and said [00:02:45] Speaker 2: everybody go shoot this this um this c word with our address and i was home and um they then uh put you know hashtag just for clayton on it and we didn't know what was gonna happen if this person was gonna actually come to my family's house and like shoot my mom and i felt so guilty about it um and we got messages or i got messages telling me to kill myself um one guy said he never wished that anybody would die in his life but he just wished that i would and he said he wished for terrible things to happen to me and my family and i would get calls um one said that my execution [00:03:39] Speaker 1: needed to be live streamed and eventually i started to believe that the things that these people were saying were were true um and i hated myself so much that i thought that i deserved to suffer and i starved myself and i made myself vomit like i could physically rid myself of the shame that i couldn't bear and i felt i had no control to apologize to these people so this was like a way i could control have some control have some sort of control and i lost 50 pounds i weigh 85 pounds now um and i considered ending my own life i wondered if doing that would make these people feel like they got justice that they uh deserved and i still think about that a lot but i also understand how terribly wrong that thinking is because i can't make amends to these people by hating myself um they deserve better and they need to know that i've taken this seriously enough to change how i live and that's exactly what i've been trying to do um today i helped my mom care for for my father who you saw who's 81 he's had parkinson's for 25 years he has stage 4 cancer if i were to be blocked up my mom can't take care of him on her own and would have to find um another uh solution for for him and i also help my sister care for my uh two young nephews and for our elderly and rescued animals um i'm continuing treatment i just started intensive therapy last sunday and i really just hope to rebuild um my my work and find ways to contribute to the community going forward um my mom is 70 and she can't physically manage my father's care alone and the animals have needs that can't be put aside and that she also can't take care of um i know that these my responsibilities don't excuse what brought me here but people and animals who depend on me and had no part in these awful decisions that i made would be the ones who would be paying the price if i were to be incarcerated um i'm terrified of jail your honor i'm not going to pretend otherwise but i'm also terrified but i'm not terrified of being held accountable and if you allow me to go home today i won't believe that i've escaped the consequences of what i've done i know i would have years of responsibility ahead of me and i'm prepared to meet it and you would never see me in a criminal court again i want to continue the intensive treatment that i started um meet every condition the court imposes and care for those who need me and above all i want the rest of my life and not just my words today to show how completely terribly sorry i am for everybody i've harmed um i'm not asking you to treat my remorse as the end of my accountability i'm asking you to let it be the beginning and please let me to do that at home where i'm really needed thank you your honor all right thank you miss owens [00:07:09] Speaker 2: mr looters i did uh review your sentencing memorandum did you have any additional comments i'm pretty